i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
