Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
