Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
