she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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