let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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