Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
