wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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