peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
