he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
