Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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