HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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