i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
