when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
