thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
