You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
