All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
