it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
