I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
