All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
