Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
