You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was like eating out sand paper
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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