I wish I could punch you in the face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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