you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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