I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
