the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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