it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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