It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
