I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
