WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
