never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
