I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
