how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
