yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
