i think i have two assholes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
