dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
