Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
