he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
