Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can I color on your dick again?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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