Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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