you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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