margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
