Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
