best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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