a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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