She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
