Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BRING THE BAGELS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
