i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
