You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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