the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my sisters under your porch take her home
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
