Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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