Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i love accidental penises.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
