I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
