I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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